My counselor tells me that I have a difficult time with "endings." Seeing things come to a stop. Relationships. Creative projects. Favorite tv shows and books. I have a lot of unfinished business floating out in the world and I think a big part of it is because being stuck in the limbo of progress is where I'm comfortable. "We're making progress." Easy to say and not a bad thing; except when you know deep down inside that you're using it as an excuse to not finish things that need to be finished.
Which naturally leads to creating lots of beginnings. From starting new poems before old ones are done, to launching this website, I'm in search of new beginnings every day. Sounds like a damn motivational poster. But if you turn the poster over and read what's scrawled on the back you see it says "at the expense of completing what you started."
So there is a constant battle going on inside of me. The desire to bring things to a close and the need to begin again. The beautiful wonder of taking off down a new creative path and the feelings of futility without a clear goal in sight for what I'm doing. Chasing Instagram likes and Twitter shares for two seconds of validation only to feel empty again when the notifications stop chiming.
I'm slowly learning to write for myself. To create for me. To give myself over to the process and let things take the time they will take. Start when they start. End when they are supposed to end. And not hold on to the past thinking that it's going to save me somehow. Salvation is down the road somewhere, not behind us. We just have to find that perfect balance of living the moment and striving for progress.