Well it's been over a month since I last wrote on this blog. I'm going to try and not view that as a failure. At least not a failure that affects what I do going forward. But I have been writing. Mostly poetry. Some on rough paper in a leather journal that smells like inspiration. Some on my iPhone. Some still in my head, waiting to take physical form.
I'm working towards my first chapbook of poetry. It's a slow process. I'm still figuring out all the themes and culling through old work to see what is usable and what is utter crap. There is a lot of crap. But that's ok, because no one knows about the crap except me.
Lately I've been giving a lot of thought to goals, especially with the idea of self-publishing my first work in the near future. Goals are important to me, I'm a very results oriented person. Which inevitably means I stare failure in the face more often than not, because let's be honest, we fail more than we succeed. And that's ok as long as success is the final outcome. It vindicates failure. But failure without ultimate success? I think that's what I fear more than anything in life.
There is a beautiful line from the song "Type Three" by Anberlin that says "Maybe I just want to hold/Something that was never meant to be mine." That is me more often then not. Not knowing where the boundaries are. Not knowing what my path is. Knowing there are an infinite number of roads to take and hoping I'm headed in the direction of the right one. Praying what I'm chasing wasn't predestined for someone else.
So tonight I stare failure in the face, I smile, and say it's ok. Until I stop breathing and there are no more chances to succeed I will fight through rejection. I will fight through failure. And I will believe in spite of myself that my goals aren't someone else's destiny.