Mouth

I did not ask for this mouth
Always with a smile
Cheshire liar.
Small and round
Corners curling
Ever blushing.
Spewing forth deceit
When closed and
Practicing in pandering
When open.
No, I did not ask for this
I would not have chosen
This mouth. These eyes. This body.

At night when you pass by
And we kiss
The "I love you"s roll off
Like old habits.
Blood rushes out
This chasm
Squirming for oxygen
Pleading to be made red
Falling victim to the elements.
Now silently retreating
Back behind my teeth
Over rough outlines
Of once pearl mountains.

I taste but do not eat
Drink but do not quench
Curse yet never truthfully
Love but always
In the back of my throat
A mile away from the point
Of no return and satisfaction.
Were this a scowl. A sneer. A baring
Of teeth and temper
Rage and passion
Honest violence
I could know the limits of your love.
But I smile.

- April 8, 2016

To My Love

I wrote this poem as a gift for my wife on Valentine's Day. She was kind enough to give me permission to share it.

Do not compare yourself to other women
Conjuring inadequacies that don't exist
A diamond does not wish to be quartz
A tulip envies not the rose's thorns
Your love is salt to the taste
And water to the tongue
Sweeter than wine is your love

Your smile is a lighthouse
Guiding my heart safely home
Your eyes a star-kissed chart
Leading me to lay down my guard
Do not compare yourself to other women
For we were raised to be fair and kind
And for the world, such comparisons are neither

- February 14, 2016

 

Lost Cause

She was cancer and chemo
Burn and balm
Breaking like a wave over rocks
As she beat against my senses
And my four hour old memories

I didn't know better
Or did and didn't care

So I stepped to the edge
Feeling that lump in my throat
You get just before you jump
Knowing it's not suicide you're chasing
But flight

I was fucked
Long before she slept with me

- February 1, 2016, 1:15 AM

Waiting for the Prozac to Kick In.

It's a hard dark night
Listening to him play in the next room
Hiding from them, buried in the sand.
The warm suffocating embrace
Of the sheets.
Waiting anxiously for the axe to fall.
To sever this head
And let my body continue to roam free
Of a mind. Of a thought.
Of the chains it wraps around itself
Slowly now. One. Two. Three.
Tighter you piece of shit.
And above me the light flickers and buzzes
And drives my head further into the quicksand
Trying to get away from the noise.
From the laughter
Because...
...
I don't remember why
...
I don't remember why I don't feel
Or why I do
Or why she's still here
Holding my gaze
Even with my eyes shut tight.
Like a specter living behind my eyelids
And in the next room all at once.

- October 12, 2015, 7:48 PM

I Put My Dreams On A Piece Of Paper

I put my dreams on a piece of paper
And set it on the counter
With the subconscious intention of seing how long they would last
And for days I nurtured that space
Brushing away sugar and flour
Leaving nothing on top
     And reading them often
It began as a small water spot in the corner
Mopped up quickly, no harm done
Then followed by a coffee stain
A spatter of spaghetti sauce
A cookbook placed on top
Leaving a crease across my dreams
And now, months removed,
With the paper pushed and pulled
Torn and stained
I almost think twice
     Before crumpling it up and throwing it away
A skip of my heart
As I look at my dreams
Balled up and compacted on top of the trash can,
Where I wonder if I should take them out
Flatten the page
Press it with a book
Retrace the ink
Frame it
Read them again
     Then I close the lid

- October 3, 2015, 2:23 PM

14

I'm still 14
Needing to be held
Up and supported
Needing to be told you're proud of me
Waiting with endless patience
For you to say it
Knowing all the nights waking
Up choking on my tongue and tears
Will be worth it if you say it
I'm still looking for a role model
That wants to see me grow
Not because I'm blood
But because they believe
And I can't remember the last time I felt complete
I know it was in April. But I can't
Remember how it felt
I'm still time traveling
Emotionally hoping to find an answer
To the questions I still haven't learned to ask

- October 30, 2015, 12:32 AM